Wednesday, August 12, 2009
♥ Good or bad?
I'm not sure if I regret ending it. Since yesterday afternoon, everyone has been calling him names and telling me that it isn't worth it. They said not to think about it and just focus on something else, easy to say but much much harder to do.
Just when thought I'd cry enough, tears well up again. It hasn't even been a full day, but I already want to take back all the words I've said. I didn't get much sleep last night, for some reason I was perfectly conscious. I stayed up pretty much the whole night thinking, and when I finally felt like sleeping my alarm broke the silence in my mind. It was 6 in the morning, not a good time to cry but as soon as I turned on my mp3 my heart ached. Sometimes it's just so scary that songs can describe your exact situation, it's scary that it can pinpoint how you feel and lyrics that says what you wanted to say perfectly. I cried silently while listening to the lyrics, mouthing the words when I know them. I thought I was going emo, or maybe I am! I was too desperate, too weak... And getting no sleep isn't enough, I have lost all my appetite for the day~!
I thought I'd go out for a walk today, clear my mind for a bit. Joshua (who used to be my neighbour) had told me on msn last night that he'll meet up with me today and have a chat to make me feel better. I thought...why not? So we walked around the park behind the town house and he was tried his best to talk me out of my misery. But it didn't seem to work so he took a packet of poker cards out of his pocket and did some magic trick. And I was so amazed at what he could do that I'd forgotten all about what had happened yesterday. He'd let me draw a random card, then I look at it, put it behind my back. And then he'd know what card it is just by looking in my eyes... Yes I was pretty surprised. He did a tons of others like spread the card out randomly facing down and predict the card I'm going to pick. So I was pretty distracted for the day, felt much better =D
Thank you to those who've support me and talked to me to make me feel better. I don't know if this is it good or bad? This break up made me realise how many friends around me really care about me. I feel even more loved than before~! x3
Thank you so much~:
Just when thought I'd cry enough, tears well up again. It hasn't even been a full day, but I already want to take back all the words I've said. I didn't get much sleep last night, for some reason I was perfectly conscious. I stayed up pretty much the whole night thinking, and when I finally felt like sleeping my alarm broke the silence in my mind. It was 6 in the morning, not a good time to cry but as soon as I turned on my mp3 my heart ached. Sometimes it's just so scary that songs can describe your exact situation, it's scary that it can pinpoint how you feel and lyrics that says what you wanted to say perfectly. I cried silently while listening to the lyrics, mouthing the words when I know them. I thought I was going emo, or maybe I am! I was too desperate, too weak... And getting no sleep isn't enough, I have lost all my appetite for the day~!
I thought I'd go out for a walk today, clear my mind for a bit. Joshua (who used to be my neighbour) had told me on msn last night that he'll meet up with me today and have a chat to make me feel better. I thought...why not? So we walked around the park behind the town house and he was tried his best to talk me out of my misery. But it didn't seem to work so he took a packet of poker cards out of his pocket and did some magic trick. And I was so amazed at what he could do that I'd forgotten all about what had happened yesterday. He'd let me draw a random card, then I look at it, put it behind my back. And then he'd know what card it is just by looking in my eyes... Yes I was pretty surprised. He did a tons of others like spread the card out randomly facing down and predict the card I'm going to pick. So I was pretty distracted for the day, felt much better =D
Thank you to those who've support me and talked to me to make me feel better. I don't know if this is it good or bad? This break up made me realise how many friends around me really care about me. I feel even more loved than before~! x3
Thank you so much~:
- Shaunna - For all your cheering talk
- Alex - For you warm hugs
- N G - For backing me up when I fall
- Michelle - For been there for me the whole time
- Penny - For letting me know that you are there
- Laura - For letting me cry in your arms.
- Darleen - For being honest with me all the time and your comedy DVD
- Mary - For the quote that make me feel better "Don't cry for a guy, let a guy cry for you. Cause girls give & forgive, but guys get & forget"
- hsinkai (Josh) - For being so kind to take a walk with me and talk me out of my misery. Also for the amazing magic card game and brightened my day.
YuMi
4:26 PM
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
♥ To Chao...
I don't know whether you'd be reading this or not but the chances are probably quite low. Still, there's things I need to tell you and it's best for you to understand that I'm not giving up!
Things just happend too quickly that I just did not have time to prepare for it, and my emotions just took over me. It was just so hard for me to believe that this is actually true, because yesterday everything was just so normal. You still hugged me and held my hand as usual. But today you were a total different person. There were no emotions on your face, not even a bit of sympathy towards what you are about to do. You suddenly became a cold and heartless person. It'd shocked me... Too much that I could no longer keep myself together, too much that I needed Michelle and Laura to keep me stable. I just couldn't believe it. Afterward you acted like nothing has ever happend, maybe even better than usual. Still, I just don't understand why you don't feel anything. It's like you never even liked me...
I've shed enough tears. I'm not going to cry anymore. I'm grateful of what we've already shared and I missing everything about you already. I miss your smile, I miss your warm hand, I miss your hugs and kisses and I miss you telling me "I love you". I want to thank you for letting have such a amazing experience. You've taught me so much, you have no idea. I don't regret loving you but I do regret my childish & reckless act today. You can tell all your friends that you've dumped me... It doesn't matter.
It may be over, but not for me. I'm not letting go & I'm not giving up!
I love you... As I did in the past 5 months! Thank you...
回憶裡想起模糊的小時候 雲朵漂浮在藍藍的天空
那時的你說 要和我手牽手 一起走到時間的盡頭
從此以後我都不敢抬頭看 彷彿我的天空失去了顏色
從那一天起 我忘記了呼吸 眼淚啊永遠不再 不再哭泣
我們的愛 過了就不再回來 直到現在 我還默默的等待
我們的愛 我明白 已變成你的負擔
只是永遠 我都放不開 最後的溫暖 你給的溫暖
YuMi
Things just happend too quickly that I just did not have time to prepare for it, and my emotions just took over me. It was just so hard for me to believe that this is actually true, because yesterday everything was just so normal. You still hugged me and held my hand as usual. But today you were a total different person. There were no emotions on your face, not even a bit of sympathy towards what you are about to do. You suddenly became a cold and heartless person. It'd shocked me... Too much that I could no longer keep myself together, too much that I needed Michelle and Laura to keep me stable. I just couldn't believe it. Afterward you acted like nothing has ever happend, maybe even better than usual. Still, I just don't understand why you don't feel anything. It's like you never even liked me...
I've shed enough tears. I'm not going to cry anymore. I'm grateful of what we've already shared and I missing everything about you already. I miss your smile, I miss your warm hand, I miss your hugs and kisses and I miss you telling me "I love you". I want to thank you for letting have such a amazing experience. You've taught me so much, you have no idea. I don't regret loving you but I do regret my childish & reckless act today. You can tell all your friends that you've dumped me... It doesn't matter.
It may be over, but not for me. I'm not letting go & I'm not giving up!
I love you... As I did in the past 5 months! Thank you...
回憶裡想起模糊的小時候 雲朵漂浮在藍藍的天空
那時的你說 要和我手牽手 一起走到時間的盡頭
從此以後我都不敢抬頭看 彷彿我的天空失去了顏色
從那一天起 我忘記了呼吸 眼淚啊永遠不再 不再哭泣
我們的愛 過了就不再回來 直到現在 我還默默的等待
我們的愛 我明白 已變成你的負擔
只是永遠 我都放不開 最後的溫暖 你給的溫暖
YuMi
4:16 PM
Thursday, July 23, 2009
♥ Fear
My biggest fear isn’t cockroach, they do look disgusting but I do occasionally have the courage to spray deodorant on them. It isn’t darkness; in fact I like the dark. It isn’t death; we’re all going to die one day anyway so there really is no point fearing all day that you’re getting closer and closer to it. My worst fear… is losing those who are precious to me, those who I love and care about.
1. N G – I promised to stay with you as long as you want me. I, too, fear of losing you. I love you!
1. N G – I promised to stay with you as long as you want me. I, too, fear of losing you. I love you!
2. Shaunna – the first person to show me that I belong. What would my world be like without you?
3. Chao – my love and my life. Life isn’t perfect, but you are! iFly~x3
4. Michelle – supported me all the way, never stopped believing in me. You are the saint that led me to victory. ily precious~!
5. Penny – the chamber of secret, keeps everything I said. Your words made me realised what a big idiot I am. Love ya~~! 
Losing any one of them is what I don’t want. Losing any one of them, means the end of my world and my life. Losing any one of them… is my fear over death!
P.S: Penny & Shaunna... Sorry for stealing pictures off your bebo (>"<)
YuMi
5:00 PM
Thursday, July 2, 2009
♥ This life is a lie...
When will this end, when will you stop hurting me. I can’t take in anymore; I don’t need more pain in my wounds. If you can’t stop hurting me then please just stay away from me, let me forget the hurtful things that you have said.
You don’t even realize it but I remember almost everything you’ve said, and it’s because I care and I want to keep every little snippets of you in my memory. But all you seem to do is filling my mind with unpleasant thoughts, I want to be happy but I suffered instead. I’m trying to keep it together except that you always went on to talk about things that you know can really kill me inside. Why are you doing this? Is this a game to you? Are you making fun of me, that I’m so dumb to fall for you once and for all? If you can’t control this then please just say it, say that you don’t care about me at all. It is better to get it all over at once then to die slowly and painfully. I don’t know what your thoughts are, but the truth is as crazy as it may sound I’m being excluded. I was never there, you never even realise that you’ve never considered my feeling for a little bit when you tell me things. I’m done with putting up with all that, truth or not.
You don’t need to say sorry, you’ve done nothing wrong. It’s all me, making up my perfect love story when I know that nothing in this world is perfect. My desires are impossible to reach, my greedy thoughts put pressures on you. I’m sorry that I am so childish and pathetic, but I do love you and I do need you. I don’t like to repeat myself and repeat the same thing over and over again becomes meaningless. But if it’s a must, I’d have to repeat it again. If you don’t want me here, then please just tell me so. I can handle it… I promise.
I love you, as always.
YuMi
You don’t even realize it but I remember almost everything you’ve said, and it’s because I care and I want to keep every little snippets of you in my memory. But all you seem to do is filling my mind with unpleasant thoughts, I want to be happy but I suffered instead. I’m trying to keep it together except that you always went on to talk about things that you know can really kill me inside. Why are you doing this? Is this a game to you? Are you making fun of me, that I’m so dumb to fall for you once and for all? If you can’t control this then please just say it, say that you don’t care about me at all. It is better to get it all over at once then to die slowly and painfully. I don’t know what your thoughts are, but the truth is as crazy as it may sound I’m being excluded. I was never there, you never even realise that you’ve never considered my feeling for a little bit when you tell me things. I’m done with putting up with all that, truth or not.
You don’t need to say sorry, you’ve done nothing wrong. It’s all me, making up my perfect love story when I know that nothing in this world is perfect. My desires are impossible to reach, my greedy thoughts put pressures on you. I’m sorry that I am so childish and pathetic, but I do love you and I do need you. I don’t like to repeat myself and repeat the same thing over and over again becomes meaningless. But if it’s a must, I’d have to repeat it again. If you don’t want me here, then please just tell me so. I can handle it… I promise.
I love you, as always.
YuMi
9:11 AM
Sunday, June 7, 2009
♥ *gasp*
Surprises just never stop coming for me. But it always comes with a bit of shock too. This is just one of them…
O5JUNEO9, Friday – 8:47 am
Everything was normal, casual with Chao. His warms arms around me and cool breath on my neck, it was peaceful… until Daniel Rob showed up. SHIT! Another secret!I suspicious face between the 2 of them was hard to understand, it was like they were communicating without words.
Chao: (pulling away) I’ll be right back.
Jenny: (gripped his wrist) Where do you think you’re going?
Daniel: I promise I’ll return him.
My grip loosened and dropped, I walked over to Michelle who was saying something about giving Tofu a nickname (Tofu IS a nickname, isn’t it?). About 3 minutes later I saw from the reflexion of the windows in front of me, the tiny figure strolling towards my direction. As I spun around to face him I saw it. The look in his eyes, there’s definite something he’s not letting me know… yet!
Chao: *grin* Go check your locker.
Jenny: *shift eyes* Oh, okay…
Puzzled, I paced toward the locker area. No body was in there. Perfect! As I kneeled down to open my combo lock I realised what he meant, the number wasn’t set back to 0. Someone has definitely opened my locker (or tried to). With my pulse speeding up, I quickly spun the little dial back and forth to the correct number and pulled it down hard.
Click, the lock came off
Nervously, I turned the little handle and swung it open. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the unusual object in my locker. Sitting there inside my locker, before my piled books was a navy blue rectangular box, opened. And there it was, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen… a golden necklace laid steadily inside the box, sparkling at me. I gasped and slammed the door shut when I heard the first bell.
Oh My God!
During assembly, I couldn’t concentrate on whatever Mr. Dever was blabbing about. All that filled my mind was that little gorgeous piece jewellery, golden swirl with small, gleaming crystals hanging on a fine gold chain. It felt too good to be true! Later on that I day, I’d found out from Daniel that the necklace wasn’t just any necklace you get on eBay. It was something worth way more than that. My mouth fell open as soon as the words came out of his mouth, something like that has GOT to be pricey. Too bad I couldn’t get the price from either Chao or Daniel or Mathias. Darn it!
Lunch time
I handed the necklace to Chao. Smiling, he undid the small lock, swung it around my neck and closed the lock back behind my neck (this process took quite a while with his clumsy hands, xD). I looked down at my chest; the golden swirl shined like ever before and the little stone glinted like they were blinking under the bright sun…
To Chao: thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou!!!
I love you <3~! Oh so mucheeeeeeeee!!!
YuMi
O5JUNEO9, Friday – 8:47 am
Everything was normal, casual with Chao. His warms arms around me and cool breath on my neck, it was peaceful… until Daniel Rob showed up. SHIT! Another secret!I suspicious face between the 2 of them was hard to understand, it was like they were communicating without words.
Chao: (pulling away) I’ll be right back.
Jenny: (gripped his wrist) Where do you think you’re going?
Daniel: I promise I’ll return him.
My grip loosened and dropped, I walked over to Michelle who was saying something about giving Tofu a nickname (Tofu IS a nickname, isn’t it?). About 3 minutes later I saw from the reflexion of the windows in front of me, the tiny figure strolling towards my direction. As I spun around to face him I saw it. The look in his eyes, there’s definite something he’s not letting me know… yet!
Chao: *grin* Go check your locker.
Jenny: *shift eyes* Oh, okay…
Puzzled, I paced toward the locker area. No body was in there. Perfect! As I kneeled down to open my combo lock I realised what he meant, the number wasn’t set back to 0. Someone has definitely opened my locker (or tried to). With my pulse speeding up, I quickly spun the little dial back and forth to the correct number and pulled it down hard.
Click, the lock came off
Nervously, I turned the little handle and swung it open. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the unusual object in my locker. Sitting there inside my locker, before my piled books was a navy blue rectangular box, opened. And there it was, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen… a golden necklace laid steadily inside the box, sparkling at me. I gasped and slammed the door shut when I heard the first bell.
Oh My God!
During assembly, I couldn’t concentrate on whatever Mr. Dever was blabbing about. All that filled my mind was that little gorgeous piece jewellery, golden swirl with small, gleaming crystals hanging on a fine gold chain. It felt too good to be true! Later on that I day, I’d found out from Daniel that the necklace wasn’t just any necklace you get on eBay. It was something worth way more than that. My mouth fell open as soon as the words came out of his mouth, something like that has GOT to be pricey. Too bad I couldn’t get the price from either Chao or Daniel or Mathias. Darn it!
Lunch time
I handed the necklace to Chao. Smiling, he undid the small lock, swung it around my neck and closed the lock back behind my neck (this process took quite a while with his clumsy hands, xD). I looked down at my chest; the golden swirl shined like ever before and the little stone glinted like they were blinking under the bright sun…
To Chao: thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou!!!
I love you <3~! Oh so mucheeeeeeeee!!!
YuMi
5:55 PM
