Sunday, July 12, 2009
♥ Born to be dumb!
Recently, I’ve started to wonder, wondering why I’m such a good-at-nothing and good-for-nothing loser. I know that life can never go smoothly, I know that in reality there is no such thing as a happily ever after and I know that big and small hurdles come around every now and then. But I also wonder why I always get the crappiest part of all.
2 weeks holiday, I’ve achieved almost nothing (except for eat and sleep). Everyday just feel so long while I wait for my school report to arrive at my letter box. It didn’t arrive until Friday during the second week of holiday. My dad saw it before I did, but to my surprise he didn’t raise his voice at all when he told me my grades. The results were horrendous, as I have expected knowing that I did not work hard enough throughout the last semester. The highest was a B+ (in English, surprise much?), the worst was a D- and everything else is somewhere in between. I felt like as if I had gone back to the first semester of grade 8, but more horrible. I couldn’t even tell myself ‘it could have been worse’ like I always do. I questioned myself if I really could get any worse.
After I took a small glance at it, dad took it away and never said another word to me. The look in his eyes clearly shows frustration and disappointment, he didn’t even want to look at me. It was like I was very disgusting to look at, and then the whole family started to ignore me just like that. The first time to be ignored and hated by my own family, the first time being looked down by my own family and the first time to want to run out of the house and disappear in this world forever. This was something I have never even imagined, but it was the truth and it’s happening.
I’ve always regret doing certain things in my daily lives. This, would have to be the biggest regret I have done myself. I regret not working hard enough. I regret not listening to my friend’s advice and now I’ve disappointed not only myself but also those who cared about me. I’ve shocked everyone, especially my dad. Now he sighs whenever I’m around. He was showing me that I don’t deserve to be in this family where everyone is a genius where as I the dumb black sheep.
About an hour after I’ve seen the report, dad said he wanted to talk to me. I was fully prepared for his big lecture and scold (or at lease I thought so) after knowing a couple of my final grades during the last week of semester 1. I knew undoubtedly what kinds of examples and words of wisdom he would say and I was ready to say something back. But strangely, my lips were sealed right up after his first question ‘why are you so useless?’ Big droplets of tears welled up in my eyes and slid down my face before I can hold it back. All I could do was nod and shake my head to his questions. I had told myself countless times to stay strong when my tears are about to escape from my sight. But I realized that I’m just weak and pathetic that the same thing repeats itself no matter how many times I replicate the words in my mind.
I did this to myself, I admit that. I didn’t work hard enough, I admit that. I had disappointed my family and lost respect from them because I did not achieve the best result that my ability could accomplish. I’m merely a burden to everyone around me, a pathetic loser.
YuMi
2 weeks holiday, I’ve achieved almost nothing (except for eat and sleep). Everyday just feel so long while I wait for my school report to arrive at my letter box. It didn’t arrive until Friday during the second week of holiday. My dad saw it before I did, but to my surprise he didn’t raise his voice at all when he told me my grades. The results were horrendous, as I have expected knowing that I did not work hard enough throughout the last semester. The highest was a B+ (in English, surprise much?), the worst was a D- and everything else is somewhere in between. I felt like as if I had gone back to the first semester of grade 8, but more horrible. I couldn’t even tell myself ‘it could have been worse’ like I always do. I questioned myself if I really could get any worse.
After I took a small glance at it, dad took it away and never said another word to me. The look in his eyes clearly shows frustration and disappointment, he didn’t even want to look at me. It was like I was very disgusting to look at, and then the whole family started to ignore me just like that. The first time to be ignored and hated by my own family, the first time being looked down by my own family and the first time to want to run out of the house and disappear in this world forever. This was something I have never even imagined, but it was the truth and it’s happening.
I’ve always regret doing certain things in my daily lives. This, would have to be the biggest regret I have done myself. I regret not working hard enough. I regret not listening to my friend’s advice and now I’ve disappointed not only myself but also those who cared about me. I’ve shocked everyone, especially my dad. Now he sighs whenever I’m around. He was showing me that I don’t deserve to be in this family where everyone is a genius where as I the dumb black sheep.
About an hour after I’ve seen the report, dad said he wanted to talk to me. I was fully prepared for his big lecture and scold (or at lease I thought so) after knowing a couple of my final grades during the last week of semester 1. I knew undoubtedly what kinds of examples and words of wisdom he would say and I was ready to say something back. But strangely, my lips were sealed right up after his first question ‘why are you so useless?’ Big droplets of tears welled up in my eyes and slid down my face before I can hold it back. All I could do was nod and shake my head to his questions. I had told myself countless times to stay strong when my tears are about to escape from my sight. But I realized that I’m just weak and pathetic that the same thing repeats itself no matter how many times I replicate the words in my mind.
I did this to myself, I admit that. I didn’t work hard enough, I admit that. I had disappointed my family and lost respect from them because I did not achieve the best result that my ability could accomplish. I’m merely a burden to everyone around me, a pathetic loser.
YuMi
7:04 PM
