Friday, May 22, 2009
♥ A little about me and my other half~!
2 months may sound short but it felt like years for me and Chao. A lot had happened in the past 2 months. The good, the bad, the happy and the sad were all crunched together in the short amount of time. And each day, I pondered…Are we going to make it?
For those who know me enough, they’d know that this has been the 2nd time I’d dated him. The previous relationship was all the way back at 2007. Although that relationship had lasted for the length of 4 months, nothing had happened. When I say nothing I mean nothing. The main reason being that he was overseas for more than half of the 4 months. And because of that when he’d came back there was this awkward feeling between us. Even so, I was madly in love with him, but it was the opposite for him. The feeling had slowly faded away due to the lack of communication. I knew it then that it had became meaningless. That I had to let him go because going on like this would be painful for both of us. Painful for him that he had to stay with a girl that he no longer had any feelings for and painful for me that I still want to stay with him while knowing the fact that he doesn’t love me anymore.
It had cut me deep when I had to end the relationship before I fall deeper, before it was too late. I could still remember clearly the day it had ended, 1st November 2007. I had it all planned out; after school, at the bus stop. As I walked toward him I felt my heart pounded against my rib cage. He noticed me and turned around to face me and looked at me curiously, the look in his eyes were so innocent that it almost made me swallow my words back down to my stomach. I said it! He didn’t look surprised, nor was he shocked.
“Okay,” was all he said.
Walking back to my bus my eyes were burning, tears welled up in my eyes and the vision in front of me became a blur. It was the first time when I understood what it felt like to be heart broken. For the rest of that week he acted like I don’t even exist, he looked somehow… relieved!
I was lucky that I had the whole end of year holiday to cry over it and put myself back together. I had to get over him, I told myself, I must! Before I become a suicidal emo. For 1 year and 2 months I have done many stupid things to make myself forget about him, the worse one of all was probably dating another person who I had no feelings for. I was using this person as a distraction from Chao (now I feel guilty). It had turned out that none of my stupid method works. On top of that Chao had forgotten all about me and was happy in another relationship. I don’t blame him. I can’t blame anyone but me, I was the one who doesn’t deserve to have him and he deserves better. With that thought in mind I felt better; I needed to be happy knowing that he lived a better life without me. But the pain still lingered within me as the year 2008 flew past me.
2009, grade 11, OP, future and career. I needed a new start. I needed to leave the old thoughts and the past behind so that I can focus more on planning my future. But life is just too unpredictable. Miracles came to my rescue when all my hopes were gone. Everyone who’s been to B.A.C would know that Valentine’s Day is a very special occasion at this school. On this day, the class room would be surrounded by pink and red and white gifts that represent love. When I went to place in my order for the presents butterflies were banging against the wall of my stomach. I didn’t have the guts to write my own name on the message paper, instead I wrote “Y” for YuMi.
Let’s hope that’s not going to be too obvious, I thought to myself as I dropped the envelope into the box.
It turned out that I didn’t even have to put down anything down for him to realize that it was from me, because his “best friend” (who I don’t trust anymore, jokes) had told him my little plan. I remember walking pass his class room and spotted him with a pink heart shaped balloon. He looked up and saw me and for the first time in 1 year he grinned at me. At that moment, I felt complete.
“ I pray for this heart to be unbroken, but without you all I’m going to be is incomplete~” Backstreet Boys – Incomplete
YuMi
For those who know me enough, they’d know that this has been the 2nd time I’d dated him. The previous relationship was all the way back at 2007. Although that relationship had lasted for the length of 4 months, nothing had happened. When I say nothing I mean nothing. The main reason being that he was overseas for more than half of the 4 months. And because of that when he’d came back there was this awkward feeling between us. Even so, I was madly in love with him, but it was the opposite for him. The feeling had slowly faded away due to the lack of communication. I knew it then that it had became meaningless. That I had to let him go because going on like this would be painful for both of us. Painful for him that he had to stay with a girl that he no longer had any feelings for and painful for me that I still want to stay with him while knowing the fact that he doesn’t love me anymore.
It had cut me deep when I had to end the relationship before I fall deeper, before it was too late. I could still remember clearly the day it had ended, 1st November 2007. I had it all planned out; after school, at the bus stop. As I walked toward him I felt my heart pounded against my rib cage. He noticed me and turned around to face me and looked at me curiously, the look in his eyes were so innocent that it almost made me swallow my words back down to my stomach. I said it! He didn’t look surprised, nor was he shocked.
“Okay,” was all he said.
Walking back to my bus my eyes were burning, tears welled up in my eyes and the vision in front of me became a blur. It was the first time when I understood what it felt like to be heart broken. For the rest of that week he acted like I don’t even exist, he looked somehow… relieved!
I was lucky that I had the whole end of year holiday to cry over it and put myself back together. I had to get over him, I told myself, I must! Before I become a suicidal emo. For 1 year and 2 months I have done many stupid things to make myself forget about him, the worse one of all was probably dating another person who I had no feelings for. I was using this person as a distraction from Chao (now I feel guilty). It had turned out that none of my stupid method works. On top of that Chao had forgotten all about me and was happy in another relationship. I don’t blame him. I can’t blame anyone but me, I was the one who doesn’t deserve to have him and he deserves better. With that thought in mind I felt better; I needed to be happy knowing that he lived a better life without me. But the pain still lingered within me as the year 2008 flew past me.
2009, grade 11, OP, future and career. I needed a new start. I needed to leave the old thoughts and the past behind so that I can focus more on planning my future. But life is just too unpredictable. Miracles came to my rescue when all my hopes were gone. Everyone who’s been to B.A.C would know that Valentine’s Day is a very special occasion at this school. On this day, the class room would be surrounded by pink and red and white gifts that represent love. When I went to place in my order for the presents butterflies were banging against the wall of my stomach. I didn’t have the guts to write my own name on the message paper, instead I wrote “Y” for YuMi.
Let’s hope that’s not going to be too obvious, I thought to myself as I dropped the envelope into the box.
It turned out that I didn’t even have to put down anything down for him to realize that it was from me, because his “best friend” (who I don’t trust anymore, jokes) had told him my little plan. I remember walking pass his class room and spotted him with a pink heart shaped balloon. He looked up and saw me and for the first time in 1 year he grinned at me. At that moment, I felt complete.
“ I pray for this heart to be unbroken, but without you all I’m going to be is incomplete~” Backstreet Boys – Incomplete
YuMi
Labels: YuMi
10:42 PM
